How to Love Yourself

i haven’t always loved myself. In fact for the first few decades of my life i was so entrenched in self-hatred, i’d have thought “loving yourself” meant being egotistical & thinking you’re better than others.

 

It was 2009 when the quiet revolution of self-love erupted in my being. It was such a momentous perspective shift, i couldn’t believe people still recognised me. Since then, i’ve been on a mission to support others to release self-attacking behaviours & love themselves.
 
i’ve noticed a few reoccurring stages & wanted to share them in this video.

 

In 2006 a T’ai Chi / Transformational teacher (Panda) told me that of all the people he’d worked with, he’d never met anyone who hated, & was as hard on themselves, as I was. While a part of me was genuinely proud because i was top of the class in something(!), another part started to realise that maybe other people’s minds didn’t tear themselves to shreds.

 

i couldn’t imagine what an impact releasing the pain from my past could have on my life. i just didn’t know it was possible to let go of the negativity & love life! Now, not only do i experience self-love on the daily, i also have the joyous job of watching (in EFT Tapping sessions) as people undergo the same transformation. And some of these people have experienced incredible trauma. It’s humbling & stupendous to witness people release outdated belief systems causing them pain, and reclaim what they believed before…ideas like: ”i’m worthy of love.”, “i’m good enough.”, “i love and accept myself.”

 

Einstein said the most important question to ask is: “!s the world a friendly place?” Hating oneself, in case you don’t know, the outside world is experienced as hostile & cruel as one’s internal monologue. When you love yourself, it’s not that the world suddenly becomes a Disney show of ONLY roses, rainbow & glitter…there’s content challenges & still struggles (how boring would life be for our souls if we didn’t get to keep evolving). The difference when you love yourself is that you’re committed to loving & supporting yourself, in a kind & gentle way, as you move through any challenging periods. It’s like having the support of a best friend, but it can’t be taken away from you, because YOU are the source of it.

 

A decade ago I’d have said that “loving yourself is selfish”. In a way it is, because it involves a period of introspection & healing where you identify the pain you’ve accumulated to date. BUT once you’ve done this you naturally find a way to release it and stop inflicting this pain on others around you. So that’s already a huge win for the world. Also, once you’ve undergone this process, it’s so natural to want to give back to the world. Your true gifts naturally start to shine out and you’re able to easily share them. Whether that’s supporting others to love themselves, projects to sustain & develop humans’ connection to the Earth, creating inspiring art, loving business practices…our inherent desire to give-back & contribute unfolds.

 

i imagine this happens because once someone is centred in self-love, there’s a recognition that the “self” that is loved is SO much more than the personality self (aka egoic self) and while that part is worthy of love and compassion, there’s a deeper Self which philosophical & spiritual teachings have pointed to for as long as we’ve been in existence. Upon recognising that true Self within, that Self in me, which also exists within all living beings…it becomes impossible to harm what is essentially oneself in another form.

 

But okay, that’s a bit of a tangent & may be a bit much for some to get their head round (10 years back i’d have been eye-rolling all over the place) & honestly it’s not so important.

 

If i can only communicate ONE THING to you, it’s this – it’s possible for you to love every single part of yourself…and you’re worthy of that love. This is true for every single being on this planet. If you’re already on board with this – AWESOME! i salute you! If you’re still finding your way there, then know that while there are many different techniques, EFT Tapping is the most effective tool i’ve found to quickly release past pain & move into self-love. There are loads of free resources available…so i’m not trying to sell anything here, just know that when you say ‘i’m ready to start loving myself” you’ll be guided on that journey, because THAT is your natural state of being & the Universe will support you to experience it.

 

If i can only communicate ONE THING to you, it’s this – it’s possible for you to love every single part of yourself…and you’re worthy of that love. This is true for every single being on this planet. If you’re already on board with this – AWESOME! i salute you! If you’re still finding your way there, then know that while there are many different techniques, EFT Tapping is the most effective tool i’ve found to quickly release past pain & move into self-love. There are loads of free resources available…so i’m not trying to sell anything here, just know that when you say ‘i’m ready to start loving myself” you’ll be guided on that journey, because THAT is your natural state of being & the Universe will support you to experience it.

 

Massive thanks to Antoine for filming & helping with the edit www.nice-video-production.com Also for being my best friend for almost 20 years & loving me before I was able to love myself.

500 Days of Meditation

i’m conflicted about sharing this online, but over the last few months friends have told me it’s inspiring…so, today i’m celebrating 500 consecutive days of meditation!  And for 10 months I’ve been doing an hour of meditation almost every morning.

i’m not sure exactly when my journey with meditation began…18 years ago when i started reading about it & tried it a few times “but nothing happened”, or 11 years ago when i did my first 10 day Vipassana retreat (a meditation bootcamp of 16 hours daily meditation practice)?

Thanks to the awesome Insight Timer App, i got back into it as a regular practice ~ & am able to boast on facebook & blogs with a screenshot as proof 🤣🤣🤣

Last year was a difficult year for me. After “graduating” from a fantastic 6 year relationship, i fell into a kind of existential crisis, “who am i & where do i fit into the world?” which i realise is normal after so long identifying as his partner.

i thought back to how happy i was before getting together with Antoine – crying most days from the ecstasy of being alive – versus where i was on the other side of the relationship – unclear, sad & lost. i started searching for the differences between my daily life then, compared to now. i realised that 6 years earlier i’d had a consistent, daily meditation practice.

So i plonked my arse on the floor, crossed my legs & began to watch my breath, as the noisy thoughts erupted all over my stream of consciousness. i was back in meditation land!

If it hadn’t worked so well, i’d say that it’s embarrassing that i started meditating for gold stars on a phone screen. The free app Insight Timer, allows you to set a beautiful sounding timer (like a singing bowl or gong) to mark the end of your meditation. i adore this compared to the other option of ending with a standard iPhone alarm or constantly peaking open my eyes to check a clock.

 

Plus, for each 10 days of consistent meditation you get a gold star. It also tracks the number of minutes you meditate & you can check your stats. In the first couple of months of getting back into my regular practice, this prevented the temptation of skipping days when my mind told me it REALLY didn’t want to meditate & gave me a whole list of other ‘better’ things to do. Massive bow of gratitude to Insight Timer! (They also have good, free guided meditations. But if you’re totally new to meditation, then i recommend starting with Headspace, which is absolutely EPIC for beginners.)

One benefit i experience from having a consistent meditation practice, is the ability to observe what’s unfolding in my life (the good, the bad & the ugly) with a greater detachment to the outcome.

A couple of months ago, things were really financially precarious. Rather than being lost, spinning out of control in the reaction-based dramas created by the mind (trying to help prepare me for the worst-case scenarios)…i found myself *observing* the stress that arose in my body, the fearful emotions & panic-laden thoughts.

i went through the experience, which lasted for about 6 weeks, with a sense of trust & curiosity. And i don’t mean in the hour a day I was sitting in meditation, but rather throughout the day, i was saying to the mind “It’s okay. We’re safe. Let’s find out what happens next.”. I felt peaceful, centred & secure.

If i could dispel one meditation myth, it would be Meditation means having no thoughts”. It took me ages to get over this! For years i believed i was “doing it wrong” & “still such a beginner” because there was still a barrage of thoughts bombing from my brain.

Now i realise it’s more about observing the thoughts, without reacting or getting entangled in them.

If you’re interested in getting into meditation check out one of these fantastic Apps (there’s enough freebies on them both):

Got a meditation practice, but looking to make it more consistent?  Try: insighttimer.com

Want to learn how to meditate? (Hint: DO IT!)  This is the App i wish had existed in 2001 when i was trying to learn from books:www.headspace.com