Over a decade ago i took an oath: to only speak the truth.
i wouldn’t have ever considered myself a liar. However, i’d often say things i didn’t mean to try to be kind to others. Agreeing with a friend about how terrible their boyfriend was, when i knew she was being awful to him.
Basically i tried to take care of others’ feelings & prevent them from being upset. i prioritised this over telling the truth. i thought this was the definition of kindness & being a good person. But inside, it created anxiety. i had to manage & maintain so many micro-lies & half-truths with so many people, it was hard to keep up.
Eventually i realised it was stopping me from being honest with myself.
i felt fragmented, lost & exhausted. i had no idea who i was.i saw the logic that being truthful with others, could allow me to be more fully myself.
It was one of the most empowering steps i’ve ever taken.
Which of course meant it was terrifying! Would i lose all my friends? Would everyone hate me? Would i find myself in constant conflict?
You know what? Almost no one noticed AND it was easy.
Turns out lying is WAY more complicated than being honest!
Here’s the caveat…i learned when to “haud ma wheesht” as we way in Scotland – which translates as either STFU or be quiet. i started to listen more & speak less. Passing far less comment & opinion.
As a side-effect i developed a superpower. My radar for when people are lying to me, themselves, or others is ridiculously strong.
Having a honed BS detector is incredibly useful. Especially when interacting with people, making decisions with others…plus working as a therapist & guiding people in self-inquiry.
Do you think it’s healthy & kind to tell little white lies to make others feel better?