“Hey Life, THAT’S ENOUGH!”
Sometimes i want to yell at Life - "THAT'S ENOUGH! Give me a break...i'm only just scraping by here!"
i felt like this yesterday morning. The plan was to spend the day celebrating a dear friend's 30th birthday. i was starting to finally feel like myself again since the accident. Dealing with all the emotional, mental & spiritual challenges since almost dying last week.
i woke in the middle of the night with intense pain in my teeth & gums & that sinking feeling of "this shit ain't right".
Since the accident my gums had been bleeding a bit when brushed. i'd borrowed an electric toothbrush the night of the accident & thought i'd maybe irritated them & *that* was why they'd been bleeding for the last week.
My 4am paranoid thoughts were "what if you actually fckd your teeth during the accident?", "Are several of my front teeth irreparably damaged?", "Is there a decent dentist in town who i can trust?". And on & on...you know how the mind is!
At 6.30am i looked in the mirror & part of my gums were mixed black, bright red & totally swollen. i wanted to cry. Please, Life, no more. i don't know if i can handle this. i need a break.
But fighting against what's presenting itself in the moment, is never going to lead to resolution.
So i took it step by step...wrote to local friends, got the recommendation of a dentist, sent an email asking for an emergency appointment & let friends know that i'd be late.
In such moments of overwhelm, slowing down & taking it one step at a time is so key for me. Staying really present with what's unfolding in real time.
The dentist is unsure. i pushed him into taking an x-ray, which is inconclusive. It may be a gum infection. It may be that i have several 'non-vital' teeth, as a result of clenching my teeth so hard when i was knocked out. If that's the case, i'll need root canal on all those teeth.
For the first time in my life i'm praying for gum disease!
It's looking good. 24 hours later; the pain, swelling & bleeding has significantly subsided.
Sitting in the unknown & loving myself fiercely, even with the possibility of root canal on several teeth (in a 3rd world country...the last time i did that 12 years ago i got Bell's Palsy). Sitting in total trust that everything which is connected to this accident is an essential part of my path on Earth & 100% to help me evolve in Love.
Oh & the love, messages & comments you've all been sharing has been really touching. Turns out it feels really good to hear that folks are happy i'm still on Earth
All welcome in my Self-Love group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/self.love.into.oneness/
.Artist unknown.
