We often have our needs and wants shut down early in life, so we learn to minimise our needs and ignore what we want as adults.

As women, we also…

You’d think guiding people to wave fears goodbye and permanently clear unhealthy subconscious beliefs would be a dream job, right?

What I hate about the work I do is…

You have a problem.

Then there’s what you think and feel about the problem. 

Piling a gargantuan weight on top of the original prob.

Your brain spins with negative thoughts 🌪making it worse🌪. Bigger than it is. Adding unnecessary tension in the belly. Stressing you TF out to the point that you’re stuck numbing on Netflix and frozen from taking action to deal with the situation.


I never imagined it was possible to do anything about the thoughts in my head. The idea of changing my negative thoughts was as far fetched as changing an internal organ.

At best the thoughts in my head were anxious, but at times they’d be cruel, demeaning and violently attack me.

‘That’s just my mind. That’s who I am.’ I thought.

In 1997 eighteen year old me, landed wide-eyed in Edinburgh from my small, conservative hometown. I met Mark, with his clear blue eyes and bad boy vibe. He was different, mysterious and told stories of the cities underworld which blew my mind.

I lost my virginity to him a week after we met. He asked me to keep our relationship secret, which was no surprise because…

A few days ago I wrote about the terror and shock of a doctor telling me I needed surgery to remove a fibroid from my uterus. What a wild ride the last two weeks have been and there’s a massive plot twist, which I’ll get to soon.

The ultrasound screen switches on. The doctor tells me he’s found something which explains my symptoms.

No, it’s not a baby (and I wasn’t expecting it would be).

“You have a….

I never expected to be so triggered by an Instagram Post. The screen blurs as my vision loses focus, my body trembles and my breathing’s so shallow I’m almost hyper-ventilating.

It’s the day after Christmas and I’m already wiped from a catalogue of disasters which had been snowballing in the week before I left Bali.

“I don't think I’ve ever felt okay saying ‘no’.” Claire told me at the start of our session.

Claire struggled to say ‘no’ to her extended family which meant she was spending her one day off each week with them.

“Whenever someone asks me to do something, I feel obliged to say ‘yes’ just to avoid confrontation.” Claire explained.

It’s clear to me it’s a boundary issue. She’d really benefit from learning how to say a loving ‘no’.

One night at the tantra retreat, I’m in a “cuddle puddle” with my close friends, about six of us snuggled up together, getting our oxytocin on. I felt so loved and safe with this group of friends.

Someone stroked my hair and their touch felt cold and almost slimy. My whole body contracted ‘NO!’ and I opened my eyes to see who it was.

Midway through packing my bags to fly to the other side of the world, I had an ego-crushing realisation: I’m going to Bali for a Tantra immersive (sacred s€xuality) and will be turning 40 later this year. I am a walking “Eat Pray Love” cliche.

Goddaaaaamn! Not so unique after all!

Last December I burned out. I launched & ran my first online EFT Tapping program. I was writing pages & pages of a workbook each week, answering questions from the 20 participants, preparing for weekly workshops & running a daily Tapping challenge.

I also had a full client load, which means I was giving six life changing sessions each week.

“The Taliban is watching your camp.” I’m in the mountains of Pakistan when I hear this news. My response is fear, but am quickly assured it’s a good thing the Taliban are here. They are happy I’m in the village. They’re going to watch the medical supplies so we no longer have to do night watch & can have the first full nights sleep in over a week.

I’m in Kashmir with five other backpackers, pulling together a grassroots project to support the locals whose homes have been destroyed in the 2005 earthquake. Nothing can be done about the 87,000 dead, but there’s 3.5 million who are homeless & GOT style ‘winter is coming’.

After quitting my successful career in advertising, I thought

I'm sitting opposite a ridiculous hot Israeli guy in a fancy restaurant in Iceland. He's fresh out of ISTA (a conscious s€xual & shamanic retreat).

Looking deep into my eyes he asks me, in his cute accent, "How good can you stand it?"

I wanna keep the flirtation going, but I honestly have no idea what he's talking about.

I’m blindfold at a Tantra ceremony on Sunday night.

There’s over a hundred of us in the room & the men are walking around the unseeing women giving us compliments.

There were a couple of comments on my curly hair & silky dress but you know what most of the men said?

A few people got in touch after my last blog/post where I talk about the importance of owning our desires. They thought because I had a beautiful heart & soul connection with someone & had finally learned to express what I wanted, that things in the relationship were in the ‘happy-ever-after’ realm.

My fairy tale ain’t so linear.

Here’s how it actually went down…

As a child, whenever I said “I want…” the reply was “‘I want’ doesn’t get”. By instilling proper British manners, a strong belief was created: if I voice what I want, then I won’t get it.

I thought it was impolite & wrong to ask for what I wanted.

And when it came to s€x - I pretty much believed God would smite me if I voiced a desire.

This isn’t just about me asking for things with a lover. It’s from the tender, early stages of attraction…letting someone know that I desire to be intimate with them.

In the depths of most people’s subconscious lingers a deep terror that one day others will discover that:

💩 There’s something broken in you (irreparably)

💩 You’re fundamentally unlovable

💩 You’re doing something wrong

[Spoiler alert: it's BULLSH💩T!]

💔 It breaks my heart that…

BREAK THE PATTERN
I’m sobbing on the grass outside a friend’s house.

‘Well, that escalated quickly!’ I thought.

15 minutes before I’d been sitting in a small group when I feel my vibe start to drop. Something sinking in me. I feel myself shutting down. My thoughts become negative & resentful.

I go outside hoping that a few minutes with my feet on the grass would be enough to recenter.

Instead the thoughts & emotions intensify.

The whispers I hear at this temple will either create a deep resonance in you, OR prompt an eye roll.

I've been struggling with a neighbour's baby who's been REALLY noisy for over a month now.

First week I was all compassion & good vibes.

Second week, less so.

I tell myself I "should be okay with this".