WHEN EVERYTHING IN MY WORLD FALLS APART...

I never expected to be so triggered by an Instagram Post. The screen blurs as my vision loses focus, my body trembles and my breathing’s so shallow I’m almost hyper-ventilating.

It’s the day after Christmas and I’m already wiped from a catalogue of disasters which had been snowballing in the week before I left Bali.

A health issue which had me crying in pain on the first plane and saw me in the hospital days after I landed in Scotland. The cost of my holiday doubling. The funeral of a beloved family member on Christmas eve. Navigating family dynamics after being away for over two years. Plus the change in temperature, jet lag and diet, all of which took a severe toll on my nervous system.

I take a couple of minutes to myself, replying to messages when the Instagram post appears top of my feed: “Breaking News”. It announces people from the UK are not allowed to enter Indonesia.

The gravity of the words has me slide from the bed and fold myself onto my knees with my head on the carpet.

I can’t go home.

I feel the door slam shut on the perfect life I’ve sculpted for myself…my friends, my boyfriend, my apartment, the tropical weather, my work…

I realise I’m IN my worst case scenario. I’m living a nightmare.

Snot streaming down my face, I realise this is the place where I meet most of my clients. When it feels like the world has ended.

And even in this state, near catatonic on the floor, there’s still a part of me watching what’s going on. Aware that I can step out of this trauma response, calm my breathing and perceive the situation differently.

I call this part of me, my soul. And I believe my soul has signed up for a HUGE evolution in this lifetime (btw this is true for most of us).

But just because my soul has big aspirations, doesn’t mean that my human self is always on board with these rapid shifts and unexpected curve balls in my daily reality.

Even for those of us who’ve got the tools, done the work, embody the wisdom, when our soul calls us to the next level, it falls on a scale of Uncomfortable to Terrifying!

I sit up, repeating the word “Fck!” over and over, while tapping my chest and letting the waves of grief and shock rock my body. The tapping calms my nervous system and brings my brain back online.

I glimpse, from their side, the work I do with my clients: my role is to support people who think their life has just ended, into discovering their exciting, new beginning. I guide them back into alignment when their soul is ready for more growth than their mind seems able to handle.

I can do this, because I trust their soul! Like I’m a soul whisperer and can teach them to embrace the situation they’re in, release what’s no longer needed and step into the new version of themselves.

As I remember this, I start to trust my soul again.

The soul always knows best. It’s our guiding light in this life. Our lighthouse.

The soul is always guiding us to a better place. Offering us MORE…more love, more wealth, more connections, more beauty. But we must be willing to keep stepping forwards. It can be baby steps. It can be rocket-launch leaps.

When our soul’s ready to evolve and we dig our heals in the sand, it’s excruciating.

I tried resisting for years. It doesn’t work. My light grows dim. Life feels grey and I’m disconnected from everything I love. It made me depressed.

In the last decade, I’ve learned to leap up and catch these curve-balls thrown by my soul. Because I KNOW now, there’s gifts and rewards my soul is preparing me for and the tough time experienced by my human self is just growing pains, which will fade quickly enough into stories of gratitude.

I know to surrender, even though it’s scary and uncomfortable. To trust, even though I don’t know what’s going to happen. To be curious.

I threw myself in some cold Scottish seawater, which offered a total nervous system reset. I chose surrender, trust and curiosity.

And here I am. Aligned with my soul again. The fear vanished and the gypsy in me sees an adventure. A detour for an unexpected holiday on my way home to Bali. I don’t know why or for how long, but I trust that soon enough it will all become clear. For now all that’s needed is to be present in the mystery and await further instructions from my soul on this wild treasure hunt in the quest which is Life!

Welcome to the mystery, my friends.

{Drop an emoji or comment if this strikes a cord!}